Thursday, June 18, 2009

谢谢您,爸爸!

谢谢您,爸爸!

不是您某个孙女心中幸灾乐祸式的庆幸您和妈妈相继去世,好让他人解脱。

爸爸,感谢您,因为您让妈妈有个新生,因为所有至亲好友都梦到您和妈妈相聚了,和好如初,恩爱有加。

您多次在我面前痛哭,为妈妈,为姐姐。

在妈妈住院期间,每天听着我从医生处得来一天比一天坏的消息,每天医院探访时间开始至探访时间结束,您都风雨不改准时到达,担心妈妈担心我,怕我累着怕我没吃好,总忙着别人看来都是些琐事,买饭给我吃,卖水给我喝,还要帮忙买妈妈的尿布。。

妈妈回到家的十二天,还得和我及佣人三人轮流照顾妈妈,没人晓得我们当时的心情,痛苦煎熬不足以形容,还得忍受兄弟姐妹间莫名的误会与猜疑,有至在适当表演场合才出现的妹妹,有犹豫不决的姐姐,有身不由己的哥嫂,也有事不关己的哥嫂,各有各的理由,各有各的烦恼,谁也怨不得谁。您看在眼里,不停的告诉我,劝我,‘人在做,天再看’。我知道,您的心当时也在淌血。。

妈妈的猝然离去,对您是一个大打击,心情还没能平复,最要好的老朋友也在妈妈走后35天永远走出您生活,爸爸,您的痛苦全显在您的脸上,当您打电话跟我讲时,那落寞无奈的声音,爸爸,我永远记得。。当天晚上,我从吉隆坡赶回居銮陪您去灵堂的路上,您和我说了好多好多,爸爸,我永远都记得。。。我也知道,您答应过姐姐,妈妈的百日之内不出门,让您永远带着遗憾,您没能在老朋友住院期间探望他,没能看到他最后一面。。
极度的沮丧失落,您身体被某些丑恶的东西崛起并霸占了。


当我和Angel听到末期肝癌这词时,姐姐和瑞平还没能回过神来,纳闷为何我两母女已哭成泪人,太残酷了,妈妈离去只相距120天!

接下来的日子,也不知道是怎么挨过去的,一有时间就从吉隆坡赶回来,与姐姐轮流每隔两天带您去洗伤口 ,间中每一两个星期还得去马六甲复诊,同时,姐姐与我还泯着良心,强颜欢笑力证您会好起来,。。我俩内心的伤口能像您的一样洗的好吗?

记得有一次,瑞平与我载您去复诊,您说您需要上厕所。瑞平让先我扶您上去,他去泊车。还没走上几级梯级,您已经累得就地而坐,肚子又痛,可又没力爬上梯级,直在太阳底下喘,又怪医生没用又怪自己没用,我只好留下您在那,自己冲去找瑞平,两人合力把您扶上厕所,瑞平留在厕所内看着您,在那半个小时里,我哭了又哭,拿起电话,姐姐在电话的那厢也在哭。。。

过了一百天,伤口总算好了,瑞平和我尽量在您有限的日子里,让您走遍您想去的地方,让您品尝任何您想吃的菜肴,想做的任何事情。姐姐也尽量在配合您,都在外用餐,可是,一切似付都太晚了。。您的身体已经不能负荷了。。。

从动手术那天知晓您的病情到您永世长辞的365天里,从失去妈妈到失去您的16个月里,爸爸,您知道我们是怎么过的吗?

您陆陆续续托来的梦,告诉我们您和妈妈在一起,每天衣着光鲜,妈妈永远笑容可掬,您甚至也找到您的老朋友了。

爸爸,谢谢您,您让妈妈笑了。。


1 comment:

~An9eL~ said...

There is not a thing you did for Gong during his last days that was "too late"
You and dayi kept blaming yourselves - during and after the ordeal. Until now you have not forgiven yourselves. You blamed yourselves for not having been good enough daughters. You hated yourselves for not being there for them enough.

Yet what was there to blame? To have been there every step of the way for this man, stubborn old man who insisted that he could do everything himself, for this stubborn old man who rather suffered himself than see his daughters and granddaughters in pain. For this stubborn old man who took care of his beloved till his last breath.

there was nothing "too little" that you have done. You weren't given enough time to do all you wanted to do. But in that limited timeframe, you spent every available minute making him happy.

Mum, in the 24 years you have been with me, did you ever think that you had "done enough"? Never. You had always given me your best, yet you always knew there was MORE that you could give to me.

I only want you to know that you can't give us all the best things under the sun, mum, but you have given us all the very best things in your world. And that's enough for us to live a good, sheltered, guided life.

Post a Comment